I Wonder as I Wander

[Uta no Hi: Sunset at the Begin Concert, Nishihara]

I remember singing this song (though being most impressed with Chanticleer's version of it) when I was younger. The lyrics I barely remember; if I took the time to look them up, I might lose interest in typing, so just bear with me and pretend I know what I'm talking about.

I'm pretty sure the song has a religious connotation, but again, I'm not sure. The title strikes me the most, however.

Eleven months have passed since I came to Japan last year. In that time, I have met amazing people, spilled my heart and feelings to some of them, made connections that will never be broken - stretched as some may already be through time and distance - and put myself to the task of learning to speak and understand Japanese as a Japanese. I was so determined to come on JET a while back, that I never took the time to imagine what I wanted to do next.

Just today, as I was sitting with friends, chatting about time spent in Japan, time yet to be spent here by some, and the upcoming departure of others, I thought, "What's next?" The simple answer is "another year in Okinawa, duh." And so I settled down for a minute. Then my brain did what it always does: it jumped ahead and asked, "And after that?"

There was no answer. There is no answer. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. If you ask me (please don't, I already have, see?) what I want to do after JET, I'd say, "Be happy, healthy, and in love. With a stringed musical instrument in my hands." Great answers, yeah?, and there's not much more I desire. Practically, some money has to be made and saved to some extent, but the money doesn't make life more valuable. It helps to make things available, and then perhaps interesting and entertaining, but haven't most of us had those moments where just by lying around and doing nothing, the best of the best just springs forth spontaneously? Or by teaching Elementary school children - they are the most amazing people sometimes. I don't remember ever having bought a laugh. I don't remember ever having bought a memory. And I've certainly never bought any of the feelings that well inside of me and bring me happiness, misery, or contentment.

And so I was wondering today, what next? I need to shorten the time-line, say perhaps to this week, or tomorrow. Or even just a few hours from now. You wanna know what it is I'm thinking about? I'll give you this miserable hint: _ _ _/_ _ _ _/_ (think I) _ _ _ _

PS - It's a happy thought, in case you read this post wrong. And no, it's not the upcoming Kanken.